Mum's 'new hell' of financial abuse after split from violent husband

A mum has said she entered a “new hell” of financial abuseafter managing to escape a violent marriage.

Keira, whose name has been changed to protect her identity, said her ex-husband started “playing games with money” from day one after they split more than a decade ago. She said it started with delayed child maintenance payments before he eventually refused to pay them at all, which led to lengthy court battles.

When he would actually pay child support, he would send it to her with triggering messages as the referencing label, including demeaning names he would call her after abusing her. “Because he wasn't using swear words, because he wasn't using threats, there was nothing the banks could do,” Keira said.

“It's sometimes hard, I think, for people to understand, but, for me, I think the verbal abuse can be much worse than the physical abuse, sexual abuse, broken bones and things like that, because it's a constant reminder. It's extremely hard to get that sort of thing out of your head, and he still knows exactly what words to say and what words to use to have that control over me.”

READ MORE: Third of women who have money controlled by an abusive partner are under age 24

Keira, who lives in Nottinghamshire and is in her 40s, said her abuser would constantly exploit loopholes in the child maintenance system to try to delay having to pay support to his kids. At one point, the mum was owed nearly £16,000 in child maintenance arrears and in payments ordered by the family courts - thousands of pounds of which he is still paying her back now.

And Keira also said he financially abused her during their marriage, including transferring all of his wages out of a joint account and dripping them back in for specific payments. He also refused to pay for childcare costs if she returned to her job as a civil servant after having a child, and when she wanted to, she was forced to get two extra jobs to cover the costs.

Speaking to the Mirror, an emotional Keira described the ongoing abuse as “relentless”, adding: “When is it going to end? Because we're 16 years down the line now.” She is now campaigning for banks to do more to help identify and support victim-survivors of economic abuse, as well as raising awareness about the issue.

READ MORE: 'My husband emptied our joint account - I was starved, beaten and left sofa surfing'

READ MORE: Domestic abuse victims left homeless and in debt as partners or exes control finances

What is economic abuse and how widespread is it?

More than one in 10 women in the UK have had their money and economic resources controlled by an abuser in the last year, grim research shows.

Leading charity Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA) has warned of a “national emergency” amid women being trapped in controlling relationships due to financial abuse.

Some 15% of women have been victims of such abuse, according to a new survey published today by SEA. Of these women, 42% did not speak to anyone, not even a family member or friend, about what they were going through, the study found.

The charity is urging the government to prioritise tackling this devastating form of domestic abuse that traps victim-survivors with the abuser and makes it hard for them to flee. SEA warned more than half of women (55%) don’t know anything about economic abuse, while a third (33%) only know a “little” bit about it.

Economic abuse is a dangerous and vastly prevalent form of domestic abuse that takes many forms, including a current or ex-partner restricting access to money or bank accounts, damaging property or possessions, taking out loans or building up debt in a victim-survivor's name, SEA says. Many women are often left thinking such behaviour is normal and are not aware of support out there to help them flee such situations.

SEA’s research found there are large disparities across the UK, with women from ethnic minority groups, disabled women, younger women and women with children experiencing economic abuse more often.

Some 29% of Black, Asian and racially minoritised women had experienced at least one form of economic abuse compared to 13% of white women, the survey found. And 23% of disabled UK women had experienced it compared to 13% of non-disabled UK women, while 28% of women with children had been victim to it compared to 10% without kids.

Sam Smethers, chief executive of SEA, said: “Many are trapped in dangerous situations with an abuser or left with mountains of debt, homeless and experiencing this form of coercive control long after the relationship has ended. Economic abuse is devastating for all victim-survivors but for the first time, our data shows the impact of this abuse is felt particularly strongly by younger women, mothers, Black and minoritised women and disabled women.

“The only way the Government will achieve its goal of halving violence against women and girls in ten years is to place economic abuse at the heart of its strategy.”

Jess Phillips, Minister for Safeguarding and Violence Against Women and Girls, said: “No woman should ever be trapped in an abusive relationship because of the suffering they will face if they try to leave, whether that is the threat of physical violence or the prospect of being plunged into poverty and homelessness.

“Tackling economic abuse - a true hidden crime will be integral to achieving our ambition of halving violence against women and girls in a decade.”

SEA has information on available support, including how professionals like the police and banks can help: https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/i-need-help/

::: A total of 2,849 women aged 18 and over responded to SEA’s survey between October 25 and November 1, 2024.

Surviving Economic Abuse has information on available support, including how professionals like the police and banks can help: https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/i-need-help/

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